A man after God's own heart

I consult my heart. If the experience of 2020 - largely framed around COVID-19 - could be surmised in one word, what would it be?  Rest. Quiet. Tumult. Distraction. Sanity. Fatigue. Depressing. Hope. Reformation. Such were the paradox of days since March to this moment, as life's pendulum swung from one end to the other. And all that my soul came in touch with bore the transferred weight of joys as well as sorrows. A wise saying goes that life is made up a thousand joys and a thousand sorrows. And somewhere in between, God breathes into the fog and I am invited to a sacred pathway that opens up. A light rain falls. We walk, and talk, along what looks like an Emmaus-destined road. And finally the true questions emerge from within - "What is the condition of my heart, Lord? What am I taking with me into 2021?" I'm growing into the answer from several meditations within Mark 6 - 8. Two strangely inter-twined themes come across - first, the continuing call to restedness ...

Its been awhile since returning to this sanctuary. The past few months has seen my mind and soul contemplating the "Resurrection-life" (Peterson) and several gems from Ruth Hailey Barton (Solitude & Silence, and Invitation to Retreat).  Amid many impressions, I'm transfixed with feet planted in a crevice - looking on as Elijah encounters our Almighty God in a cave at Mount Horeb.  And the word of the Lord came to him: "What are you doing here, Elijah?" He replied, "I have been very zealous for the LORD God Almighty. The Israelites have rejected your covenant, broken down your altars, and put your prophets to death with the sword. I am the only one left, and now they are trying to kill me too"... [Enter the rock-shattering wind, earthquake, fire which the Lord were not in. Then the gentle whisper (NIV); still, small voice (KJV); sheer silence (NRSV)]  ...When Elijah heard it, he pulled his cloak over his face and went out and stood at the mouth of t...

But when he, the Spirit of truth, comes, he will guide you into all truth (John 16:13) "Holy Spirit, guide me...guide us into the truth of Your restfulness. Unveil our spiritual eyes to see the enamouring falsehoods around us, that feed the compulsive spirit within us. Would you give us the desire, grace and courage to renew ways of relating to You, to ourselves and to others - so that we may truly enter into Your rest. Expand our hearts to receive your gift of this meditation. In Jesus name we pray, Amen".  How are you doing?  "I'm well, my soul is at rest in God". I might be tempted to express this response for real when asked - if it hasn't already been uttered - as God increasingly meets me in expansive spaces of restedness within. Wow. What a testimony this could be - of God's goodness over the typical 'okay-lor or surviving-lah' lines.  Rest. Reflecting on what the Word says opens the door to visits from some familiar comfort...

Waiting - has become for me such an unnatural posture. I sit quietly and stare at the distorted, worldly mould of an impatient heart eager for results and immediacy. Searching within, I find this to be neither a case of un-delayed gratification nor of petulant demands. It concerns healthy thy-kingdom come desires and a deeper longing to understand "wait" according to biblical tenets. With outstretched arms, I hold out the vision of a beautiful new normal beyond COVID-19, secure upon the foundation of waiting upon God. This life is one fully lived in the present moment - watchful and urgent yet at-ease and filled with expectant hope. What we could simply call 'active-waiting'. This falls farther from Noah's precarious 40 or 150-days in the ark, and much closer to Simeon and Anna's experiences. In their words and actions - with unmistakable and careful revelation - we can resonate with a lifelong posture of waiting in devotion to God. ...a man called Sime...

Could it be that God is using - Anthony, Agathon, Macarius, Poeman, Theodora, Sarah, Syncletica - unfamiliar names and lives to speak to us in the unfamiliar terrain of our day? Whereas we easily gravitate to the wisdom of Merton, Pascal, St. John of the Cross, Thomas a Kempis, John Bunyan or Mother Teresa of Calcutta, why not traverse further back in time? I'm no historian but from cursory readings - a few centuries after the resurrection of Christ and broadcast of the good news - we see how society's depraved condition drove these spiritual greats to flee to the desert to literally save their souls. A few more large backward strides, and we find ourselves face-to-face with Israel's similar depravity in the old testament. "Society...was regarded as a shipwreck from which each single individual man had to swim for his life...There were men who believed that to let oneself drift along, passively accepting the tenets and values of what they knew as society, was pure...

Today - 12 April 2020 - will likely go down in history as one of, if not the most unexpected Easter celebration of our generation. Can the intensifying passion of our hearts make good the loss of communion in community? We close our eyes - easily immersing in scenes of gentle hugs, firm handshakes, the warm glow of smiles and soft background music - as our heightened senses begin to exude and bask in a collective overflow of renewed love for our risen Christ. And we slowly come back to our sofa and living halls with echoes of virtual choirs, and an online service in wait. Our hearts remain affixed on the empty tomb, as the angel gives us a look as if to say - yes, it is now time to bow down and worship. Our spirits are roused, with a more tender receptiveness to the message of hope this year. Nothing has changed, yet everything is different. Like many of us, I too ask what the new normal will bring. Not just for the house of God, but for how we will live, work and play in a pos...